I have always joked that I have ADHD but I was never officially diagnosed and I never sought medication assuming I was just a scattered brain moron. Well about year ago I started to really feel like I could just not concentrate on anything. Looking back I don't think anything changed I just think getting older I became more aware of it. It became a problem at home and at work and I was getting tired of it. I still didn't do anything to fix it but I was tired of it. I started to look into causes doing what all Americans do and typing in symptoms in Google. Well everything kept coming back ADD/ADHD. I took some online tests (some pure joke tests some more "official") and every symptom they listed I had to some degree. Some of the symptoms I had so severely and they were stated so accurately I was amazed that others felt this way. I made an appointment with a shrink who specializes in ADD but due to an error on their website I got the wrong address and couldn't get to my appointment so as a result I wasted an hour of my life looking for an office that didn't exist which caused me to freak the F out and never try to go back. Fast forward to a month ago. I was having more problems then ever concentrating at work and since I needed to find a new primary care physician anyway I made (or rather Tiffany made because once again my patience couldn't handle dealing with the receptionist) an appointment to see a regular doctor. I talked to him about random crap for a while like Diet (why do doctors think I need to be told to lose weight? Do they think I haven't noticed? I mean really every person in the world who is overweight knows that they are and don't need to be reminded that they need to lose some pounds) and such before I dropped on him that I have ADHD. Now being the avid reader of online Hypochondriacs that I am I figured he wouldn't believe me straight off so I told a small lie that I was diagnosed as a child but haven't been treated as an adult. He believed that I had ADHD (perhaps he heard me rummaging around the office while I waited and noticed that my leg was about to fall off from twitching) and prescribed Strattera. He said his daughter was on the same drug and that he liked it because it works well and the prescription can be written with refills as apposed to the other drugs which are considered a controlled substance if you don't have a prescription. He loaded me up with samples and sent me on my happy way.
I was very hopeful and optimistic when I began Strattera the next day. I knew that this would be the start of something great! Well it wasn't. The Strattera did help my concentration but it came with some funky side effects. I would get chills followed by hot flashes that left me feeling like Blanche from Golden Girls, I had pain while urinating and headaches from the depths of hell. I still continued with the samples knowing that some of these things were from my body getting used to the medicine until I was hit with the biggest and worst side effect of them all. My insurance doesn't cover Strattera so if I wanted to get my prescription filled it would cost about $250 a month!! That was enough for me to tap out and head back to the doctor!
I wasn't scheduled to go back to the Doc for another 5 weeks so I called and spoke to one the assistants explaining my predicament. This time I didn't put my faith in the Doctor to prescribe what he thought instead I suggested switching to Adderall. I had done a lot of reading and in that reading Adderall seemed to be the best of the stimulant ADHD medicines for Adults. It has been around for about 50 years known by one name or another and it is available in generic. I told the nurse that my insurance didn't cover Strattera and said that I wanted to be switched to Adderall because it was available as generic and I had been on it before and seen positive results. Ok I hadn't been on it before but I was hopeful that it would work well and if it didn't I would just wait for my appointment and see what the Doctor thought. She checked with the Dr and he prescribed Adderall XR 30mg. I took my script to Walgreens and $7 later I got my 30 day supply.
Day one on Adderall I noticed an immediate difference. I was more focused and clearheaded than I have been in a long time. I was able to sit and concentrate on my work but I still felt like myself. I felt like David 2.0! Some people I know who have tried ADD medication said they didn't like how it made them feel different and closed off. I don't feel any of that with Adderall. I feel like it just helps me focus in on what I am doing or who I am talking to. I am able to shut off the noise that is normally going on in the back of my mind and really listen to people. I even feel happier! I am nicer to people and when I talk to them I actually care about what they are saying. It is an adjustment but a happy one. I know some people who use Adderall abuse it to get a "high" and after a while the "high" goes away so they do more drastic things like crushing it and snorting it! I don't know how it affects those who do not have ADHD but I don't ever feel a high when I take it. I just feel like I am more myself and less of an asshole honestly. I can still be random and goofy and quote movies like it is going out of style but I am able to also push that stuff back and focus in on what matters. Before I would always be too busy thinking about what smart ass comment I was going to make or how what you just said reminded me of a movie quote instead of listening to people. I was more concerned with trying to be funny and making myself sound smart then actually listening to people and considering what they said. Now with Adderall I feel like it helps me be the best me I can be yet I am still able to retain my personality and my own flare for stupidity. My patience has improved and to put it simply I am just all together happier. I have felt like this before without medication but normally it was for only short doses and it would only be while I was doing something that I wanted to do not when I was working. Best yet my marriage has been improving due to the fact that I am actually able to pay attention and retain what Tiffany says!
The only side effect I have had is dry mouth which doesn't really come up any more and lose of appetite which I don't really consider to be that bad of a side effect (I am sure the Doctor will still tell me to lose weight when I go back). I do wish it lasted longer though. Normally I take it at 8am and anywhere between 5-7pm it begins to wear off. Not a bad span but I would like to be able to have a little more concentration at home some nights. When I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks I am going to ask him about upping the dosage to 2 times per day. The only problem with that is because stimulants are abused by so many out there I have to get a new prescription from the doctor every month in order to get a refill. They don't allow refills or the doctor to call in orders for Adderall. Thankfully my doctor is close to my work and I just go down on lunch to pick it up. In order to take it twice per day though I think I would have to have two scripts so we will see what he thinks. Not the end of the world if I just stick to once per day so I am not concerned.
I am sure some out there are going to read this and think that I am just some pill seeking junkie or someone who could concentrate if I only tried and that I am just lazy. If that is how you feel then that is your opinion and you are entitled to it. For the rest of you out there I would like to say that getting officially diagnosed with Adult ADHD has changed my life. Using this medication has cleared away the clutter in my head and allows me to think clearly for what seem like the first time. It is like those two British ladies from how clean is your house have moved in and restored order to the chaos of my head. I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to improve my life now and work towards being a better person. Looking back I realize all the time I have wasted doing absolutely nothing and it makes me sick. No good dwelling on the past though, it is best to just accept that it happened and learn from it. Moving forward each day I am trying to become a better human. I am not perfect and I will still screw up but I will keep moving forward. To quote Rocky Balboa, "it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" I will keep moving forward….right after I take my pill.
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2 comments:
That is SO freaking amazing!!! I am so excited for you. I know when I finally got diagnosed with depression and on meds it was SO amazing how much it helped!! And I have ALWAYS found that I have to tell my doctor what drugs and how much. I mean they are smart but we are the ones that really know what is happening with our bodies!!! Good for you I am excited for you to become this better person!! I miss you friend :)
DUDE! I didn't know! Me too!
Everyone was being a complete fucking naysayer about it when I first got checked out for it. I think I was like 22 or 23. I had to explain it isn't all about hyperactivity, especially in women. It's about the inability to focus one's brain, there's just too much going on all the time for me. I wasn't like YAY DRUGS CAN FIX EVERYTHING!! But I took Concerta and it so helped me focus and do my work. I eventually got weird side effects like being unable to sleep and restlessness, so I worked on changing my habits too, like keeping lists and following routines. Read some books on dealing with Adult ADD, etc. Now I'm not taking anything, but I've thinking about doing it again because I'm feeling the same way I was before, even with lists and routines and everything. And you know it's not easy to focus at work, like, ever. I can't even sit down after work to sit and write. I'm sure you can relate that it's not laziness at all, but just. can't. focus.
That's pretty rad that it's had such a positive effect on you. ::high five::
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